No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
