your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
