Define "chronic" masturbator.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
