Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
don't judge my taste in strippers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
