just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
