You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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