This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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