i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
