Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
