Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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