She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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