i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
