Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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