Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
