Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
