Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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