Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Who died my cat blue again?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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