Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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