Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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