I am in a vortex of obligation.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
