Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
