your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Randomize
