just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
