If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But break dance skills will only take you so far
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is Oprah even human
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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