am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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