he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize