i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
