I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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