We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
