My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize