Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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