Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
