I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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