So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Someone came in the potted fern
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
