dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
