I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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