I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
