Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
