I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My feet surprised me
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