yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
