She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
