im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
