nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
