After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
