if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
