I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
