I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
