i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
