I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
