I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
