So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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