Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
