So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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