in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
