I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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