Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
