can we get nightvision for the apartment?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
