apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
