You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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