well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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