I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
