had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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