he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
did you just send me my own nude
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
