He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
