Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize