Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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