One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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