Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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