i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
