How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
