well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize