HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
