she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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