just tell him i said nine months
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize