Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
