these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
