when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
