i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
