I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
