***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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