i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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