I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
