it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
