I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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