so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
