Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
