grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
