Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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