I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
