when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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