Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize