Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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