Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
