My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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