just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize