Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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