Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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