Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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