If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
