Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
