Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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