I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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