my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
