I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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