she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
