Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
