i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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