no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
