I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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