At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
