he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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