Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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